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View Full Version : Disorder in the court



R K Dragon
09-07-2005, 01:09 PM
>> >These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
>> > >things people actually said in court,
>> > >word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who
>>had
>>the
>> > >torment of staying calm while
>> > >these exchanges were actually taking place.
>> > >
>> > >ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> > >WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> > >______________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>> > >WITNESS: July 18th.
>> > >ATTORNEY: What year?
>> > >WITNESS: Every year.
>> > >__________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> > >WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reebok s.
>> > >____________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>> > >WITNESS: Yes.
>> > >ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> > >WITNESS: I forget.
>> > >ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>>forgot?
>> > >_____________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>> > >WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>> > >ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>> > >WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>> > >_____________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>>morning?
>> > >WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>> > >ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> > >WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>>voodoo?
>> > >WITNESS: We both do.
>> > >ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> > >WITNESS: We do.
>> > >ATTORNEY: You do?
>> > >WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>sleep,
>> > >he doesn't know about it until the
>> > >next morning?
>> > >WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>> > >__________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>> > >WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
>> > >_______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> > >WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
>> > >August 8th?
>> > >WITNESS: Yes.
>> > >ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> > >WITNESS: Uh....
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> > >WITNESS: Yes.
>> > >ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> > >WITNESS: None.
>> > >ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> > >WITNESS: By death
>> > >ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> > >WITNESS: H e was about medium height and had a beard.
>> > >ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>deposition
>> > >notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> > >WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
>>dead
>> > >people?
>> > >WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>>to?
>> > >WITNESS: Oral.
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> > >WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>> > >ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> > >WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>> > >autopsy on him!
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> > >WITNESS: Huh?
>> > >______________________________________
>> > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
>>a
>> > >pulse?
>> > >WITNESS: No.
>> > >ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure
>> > >WITNESS: No.
>> > >ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
>> > >WITNESS: No.
>> > >ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>>began
>> > >the autopsy?
>> > >WITNESS: No.
>> > >ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> > >WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> > >ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>> > >WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>practicing
>> > >law.
>> > >
>> > >HAVE AN AWESOME DAY AND KNOW THAT SOMEONE HAS THOUGHT ABOUT YOU
>> > >TODAY...............I DID.

FX
09-07-2005, 01:25 PM
Oral. That was funny!