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Thread: blonde jokes

  1. #1
    Recognized Member Thor's Avatar
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    206

    blonde jokes

    I know a few blondes (in mind, not in haircolor).....



    She was Soooooooo Blonde .
    * She thought a quarterback was a refund.
    * She thought General Motors was in the army.
    * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
    * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
    * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
    "Sagittarius."


    She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
    * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
    * She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
    * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On
    Phonics."


    She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
    * She tripped over a cordless phone.
    * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
    "Concentrate."
    * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
    * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.


    She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
    * She studied for a blood test.
    * She sold the car for gas money.
    * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
    * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport
    Left," she turned around and went home.


    She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
    * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
    moved.
    * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
    * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
    * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This
    Goes In Front."

    AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
    She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
    She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company

  2. #2
    Recognized Member Thor's Avatar
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    kids

    A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
    squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

    She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite

    embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been

    circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to

    go down to the principal's office.

    He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do
    about it. He did it and returned to his class.

    Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She
    went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his
    penis hanging out.

    "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

    "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it
    out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

    KIDS, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM???

  3. #3
    Recognized Member Thor's Avatar
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    2005

    > YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...
    >
    >
    > 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
    >
    > 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
    >
    > 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3
    >
    > 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
    >
    > 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family
    > is that they dont have e-mail addresses.
    >
    > 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone
    > to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
    >
    > 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom
    > of the screen.
    >
    > 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't
    > have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause
    > for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
    >
    > 10. You get up in the morning and g! o on line before getting
    > your coffee.
    >
    > 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ).
    >
    > 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
    >
    > 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to
    > forward this message.
    >
    > 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
    >
    > 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a
    > #9 on this list.
    >
    >
    > AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

  4. #4
    Recognized Member Thor's Avatar
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    home remedies

    > AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
    >
    > 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
    > of boiling water down your
    > throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
    >
    > 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
    > getting someone else to hold
    > them while you chop away.
    >
    > 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
    > simply using the sink.
    >
    > 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
    > for a few minutes, thus
    > reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
    >
    > 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
    > from rolling over and going
    > back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
    >
    > 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
    > will be afraid to cough.
    >
    > 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
    > forget! about the toothache.
    >
    >
    > Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
    > are:
    >
    > You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
    > If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
    > If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
    >
    >
    > Remember:
    >
    > Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
    >
    > Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
    >
    > If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
    >
    > And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
    > know when you might need them to
    > empty your bedpan

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