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Thread: New Motorcycle Line

  1. #1
    Recognized Member Rider Info Insider
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    New Motorcycle Line

    This is an oldie, but still funny…




    HARLEY DAVIDSON FACES STIFF COMPETITION


    JOHNSON MARINE INTRODUCES A NEW LINE OF MOTORCYCLES




    At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine,


    makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment,


    unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles


    designed to compete head to head with industry leader, Harley-Davidson.


    ~


    Peter Long, Johnson’s Brands marketing Manager said,


    "We have studied the market and determined that Harley,


    while highly successful,


    has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers."


    ~


    Long added, "We, at Johnson, are convinced


    that our product hits the target dead center


    and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson


    in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish."


    ~


    The new line of bikes,


    marketed under the name BIG Johnson Motorcycles,


    will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised.


    ~


    "Our research shows that this,


    a BIG Johnson,


    is what Harley buyers are really after."


    ~


    At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agree.


    "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a BIG Johnson,"


    said one Harley owner.


    "But, I see now, that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a BIG Johnson."


    ~


    Manager Long also said


    that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson


    and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products.


    "We realize that not every guy can have a BIG Johnson,"


    said Long,


    "But image is very important to people.


    If they don't have a BIG Johnson,


    they at least want to project the image of having one."


    ~


    Asked if he anticipated BIG Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners,


    Long said it was unlikely.


    "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a BIG Johnson," he said.


    "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources


    to acquire a Harley having a BIG Johnson.


    ~


    I think it boils down to this . . .


    You either have a Harley, or you have a BIG Johnson,


    but you are not likely to have both."


    ~


    "Given the choice," said Long,


    "I think most guys will opt for the BIG Johnson."


    ~


    Another force driving sales for the company will come from women.


    A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers


    indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner


    spending $20,000 on a Harley Davidson.


    ~


    But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money


    to get their partner a BIG Johnson,


    nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent!


    ~


    One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying,


    "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 20 grand on another one of those Harleys,


    but 20 grand to get him a BIG Johnson?


    Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs!"


    ~


    Carla Roundheel,


    manager of the dealership network now being established,


    said her motto is simple.


    "I service what we sell."


    ~


    BIG Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the stock exchange


    under the abbreviation


    PNSNV.
    I am the light, what you seek is fire.

  2. #2
    Lost jrbooe's Avatar
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    I want one
    If at first you don't succeed then skydiving may not be for you.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrbooe View Post
    I want one
    Yeah, well . . . I want a BIG Johnson too.

    But I kinda have the feeling that both of us are gonna end up disappointed.

  4. #4
    hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! You guys are real cruel on each other!!!

  5. #5
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    Yeah, it can be disappointing. Having a Big Johnson limits you on parking spots. Most folks say they want to have a Big Johnson parked in the front, but when they see it they get scared it won't fit in the parking spot without damage. There is nothing worse than getting your Big Johnson out all warmed up to play, reving your engine and then not being able to park. It hurts to have to go home and put it away.
    I am the light, what you seek is fire.

  6. #6
    Lost bufordtpisser's Avatar
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    I think that most guys would settle for smaller Johnsonette. Nothing like going to a parking spot with your Big Johnson only to find out that you should have brought the truck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bufordtpisser View Post
    I think that most guys would settle for smaller Johnsonette. Nothing like going to a parking spot with your Big Johnson only to find out that you should have brought the truck.
    Well, they often have "compact" parking for those ummm smaller rides.

  8. #8
    Permanent Fixture bigwater's Avatar
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    Just all depends on the parking attendent. Some don't allow parking in the compact zone at all, preferring to leave it clear as an exit route.
    Never twist the throttle with your ego

  9. #9
    Lost jrbooe's Avatar
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    Honestly, today, I don't want a Big Johnson, I can't even ride as I am pissing razor blades. Damn, I hate kidney stones.
    If at first you don't succeed then skydiving may not be for you.

  10. #10
    Lost bufordtpisser's Avatar
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    Dam Good Thing Too........

    Quote Originally Posted by aja View Post
    Well, they often have "compact" parking for those ummm smaller rides.
    I hate getting lost in parking garages.

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